This year starts in my last year at Anson Jr. High and will end up with me starting my Sophomore year at the Marshalltown High School. It's so exciting! Marshalltown had about fourteen grade schools, three Junior Highs and only one High School. So, all of the teens of Marshalltown eventually are all merged together into one building. One Super School, if you will....Go! Bobcats!
Finishing up at Anson Jr. High was just more continuation of what had been happening before....it seemed like it might have lessened up a bit. But, there was always one more shoe to drop....
I had mentioned that I took some sort of refuge in the mixed chorus classes I had been taking. I really liked Mrs. Wright and appreciated that she seemed to give me a chance when others did not even notice me at all. Which was what I was attempting to do most of the time anyway....be invisible. She encouraged me to audition for the school play. I did and was cast in a one line role....which I slept through the rehearsals for later that week and I was replaced. I would always go and visit with Mrs. Wright....and a lot of other kids did too. She was a straight shooter who would talk to you like you were an adult. So, when the kids taunting started up in the Fall, I was devastated by the comments I was hearing.....the bullies were laughing at me....and said they were talking to Mrs. Wright and she had mentioned feeling sorry for me "because I was so gay". I felt violated. Usually, the harassment only came from the kids.....now I was hearing that one of my favorite teachers was saying some of the same things! I did not want to believe it....but something inside me could actually visualize her saying something like that...not being mean....but actually, probably trying to get the kids to give me a break. And it backfired.
I went back to that same old guidance counselor who told me I could not be gay since I was not "walking around in high heeled shoes".....I did not know where else to turn. I mentioned to him about the incident and how upset it made me to think that it even could possibly be true. He did little to calm me. And really, I asked him not to address the Mrs. Wright....I did not want to discuss it anymore. But, just one hour later I was called to her classroom. Mrs. Wright had me sit down. She asked me if I had a problem with her. I told her I did not. And then she proceeded to tell me how she was mad that I would believe what I had heard. I told her I did not want to believe it.....but I had got so used to hearing these things. She basically ended this talk by telling me that I have to be stronger than that.....I was so embarrassed that I am not sure I even heard what else she said. Our friendship was ended though.....I never did feel comfortable talking with her like we used to....
It was at the end of this school year that some big things happened around me....There was a boy named David who lived in my neighborhood. He was a little overweight and kind of nerdy. He reached out to me a few times to be friends. And I basically just ignored those requests. I was not looking to create some kind of nerd posse. I wanted to be invisible, not part of a larger group of outcasts. I failed to see the solidarity in numbers. And near the end of my 9th grade year, David had a brain aneurism and died instantly. I carried around some guilt over not being nicer to him....I wondered what could have been different if I had made other choices.
Another person in my extended circle was a girl named Terri. She was also a bit of an outcast. She was involved in chorus and school theater. She was funny and she cutely teased me about singing "Step By Step"....she would do a little step, step dance and hum the tune....I did not mind being teased by her since she was not trying to be mean. She might have even been flirting a little. We got along well, but we were not really close. Over the summer, Terri also had an aneurism and died.
This made me really think about what was important. People could just die at a moments notice without any warning. It had happened twice in just a few short months. And seeing my mother take up so much time and energy fighting against my father....it just was a lot for a teenager. Even though all this was going on, it never occurred to me to be a "bad kid". One who would act out or do drugs......I just would not have known how to do that.....I was trying so hard to be good....and invisible. But invisible is like wanting to not be at all.....and even if a thought of suicide had crossed my mind, I knew I did not want to be dead. I think this time ended my fleeting thoughts of suicide forever. Death was never a viable option to deal with problems.
Another thing that happened this year, after what seemed like years of waiting.....Marshalltown got cable TV! We had an HBO box and then shortly afterward....full fledged cable TV! After my dad had left the house, I took over doing some of the light maintenance around the home. It was a big house that had been wired for our rooftop antenna....each room had an outlet to connect to the antenna.....well, after a little investigation of the wiring for the cable....I was able to connect the cable into the main house wiring and I enabled cable television through the whole house!
My television addiction was well established.....and having more channels just fed the beast all the more....but it would still take Marshalltown another year before it would get MTV. I mean even my grandparents in Olathe, KS had MTV!!! I was insatiable! I would stay up as late as possible and watch anything I could find on any channel.....
Friday, August 19, 2011
Year Fifteen - 1981
Well, this year starts out where we left off. My parents were getting a divorce. My father had moved out and my mother became a raving lunatic of rage and anger. Anything bad that happened was immediately blamed on my dad. Any time one of us kids did something bad, it was because we took after our father. My mother has no filter to the things she would say about my father. She shared all of her suspicions and confirmations with me. These are things I should have never known about my father. Things kids should never hear about their parents.
My mother wanted her children to be her allies in this war she was creating, yet she resented the fact that she was the one now with all of the responsibility for three children on a daily basis. She started to go out more frequently. I got to see my mother drunk for the first time. She started to date and occasionally she would not even come home until the next morning. She was living the single life she never had before. And she was acting like she had no responsibility to her children. I was a teenager. So, she did always have someone around to babysit. But, it was a reckless situation that could have had horrible consequences. Somehow, my brothers and I managed to get to school every day and stay relatively out of trouble. I really am not sure how.
With all of this time alone at home with no parents around. Our place became the hang out for some of the neighborhood kids. This was of course, when they were not harassing me and calling me names. I took it all in....the good and the bad. I was resigned to believe that I must deserve everything that I got....including one close friend.
One of the boys in my neighborhood, let's call him "Max", well.....we became close friends. We would talk on the phone for hours at a time. We would hang out and go to movies together. And we had started to experiment being physically intimate with each other. Of course, this all had to be done in secret. No one could know that we spent that much time together. And no one could ever know that we were fooling around....that would have been tragic. So, in public around other people....we became more and more distant. But alone, we always knew just what was happening.....and it happened pretty often.
During the summer of this year, my aunt Charlene came to visit from St. Louis. She is the mother of my cousin who is ten days older than me. I guess she did not like the situation that she saw when she came to visit. And she asked me if I wanted to come back to St. Louis with her....I was ready to take a break from my mother. So I said yes.....and I ended up in St. Louis. There was no plan to the end of my visit. I was just moved to their home. I tried to hang out with my cousin, Kyle. We used to have so much in common. Well, not anymore. Kyle was into heavy metal music. He hung out with a fringe crowd. And he smoked pot. He was protective of me....but he also knew we did not have anything in common anymore. I was very preppy and pop music....and he was depressed and dark. Goth.
After about a month in St. Louis, talk came up about school and the fall. I was asked a few times if I wanted to stay in St. Louis with them and go to school there. I did not know how to answer that question. I liked living with my Aunt and cousins, but I did miss my family too. I was not sure that being in St. Louis was going make things any better for me. And the larger city made things seem more dangerous. Well, fate made the decision for all of us very soon.....
My dad was playing tennis one Sunday when he experienced a burst blood vessel behind his eye...I guess it was an aneurism. It was near his brain and he fell unconscious. He experienced blindness in one eye. And he was immediately taken to the hospital in Des Moines and put on blood thinners. He was under observation for three days. It was unclear if he would have other attacks. Once I heard the news, I knew I was going back to Iowa. I was on a plane the very next day. My dad recovered from this episode. And I was right back at home.....in the middle of the divorce again, babysitting my brothers again, and back to school at Anson Jr. High again.
I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed in St. Louis.....
My mother wanted her children to be her allies in this war she was creating, yet she resented the fact that she was the one now with all of the responsibility for three children on a daily basis. She started to go out more frequently. I got to see my mother drunk for the first time. She started to date and occasionally she would not even come home until the next morning. She was living the single life she never had before. And she was acting like she had no responsibility to her children. I was a teenager. So, she did always have someone around to babysit. But, it was a reckless situation that could have had horrible consequences. Somehow, my brothers and I managed to get to school every day and stay relatively out of trouble. I really am not sure how.
With all of this time alone at home with no parents around. Our place became the hang out for some of the neighborhood kids. This was of course, when they were not harassing me and calling me names. I took it all in....the good and the bad. I was resigned to believe that I must deserve everything that I got....including one close friend.
One of the boys in my neighborhood, let's call him "Max", well.....we became close friends. We would talk on the phone for hours at a time. We would hang out and go to movies together. And we had started to experiment being physically intimate with each other. Of course, this all had to be done in secret. No one could know that we spent that much time together. And no one could ever know that we were fooling around....that would have been tragic. So, in public around other people....we became more and more distant. But alone, we always knew just what was happening.....and it happened pretty often.
During the summer of this year, my aunt Charlene came to visit from St. Louis. She is the mother of my cousin who is ten days older than me. I guess she did not like the situation that she saw when she came to visit. And she asked me if I wanted to come back to St. Louis with her....I was ready to take a break from my mother. So I said yes.....and I ended up in St. Louis. There was no plan to the end of my visit. I was just moved to their home. I tried to hang out with my cousin, Kyle. We used to have so much in common. Well, not anymore. Kyle was into heavy metal music. He hung out with a fringe crowd. And he smoked pot. He was protective of me....but he also knew we did not have anything in common anymore. I was very preppy and pop music....and he was depressed and dark. Goth.
After about a month in St. Louis, talk came up about school and the fall. I was asked a few times if I wanted to stay in St. Louis with them and go to school there. I did not know how to answer that question. I liked living with my Aunt and cousins, but I did miss my family too. I was not sure that being in St. Louis was going make things any better for me. And the larger city made things seem more dangerous. Well, fate made the decision for all of us very soon.....
My dad was playing tennis one Sunday when he experienced a burst blood vessel behind his eye...I guess it was an aneurism. It was near his brain and he fell unconscious. He experienced blindness in one eye. And he was immediately taken to the hospital in Des Moines and put on blood thinners. He was under observation for three days. It was unclear if he would have other attacks. Once I heard the news, I knew I was going back to Iowa. I was on a plane the very next day. My dad recovered from this episode. And I was right back at home.....in the middle of the divorce again, babysitting my brothers again, and back to school at Anson Jr. High again.
I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed in St. Louis.....
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Year Fourteen - 1980
On this year, many small changes happened and one big one...
At the start of this year I was still delivering papers for the Times Republican. The job was pretty boring and I had started to get a back issue from carrying over 100 papers a day. The Saturday edition was the only morning delivery and there was no Sunday edition at this point...One Saturday, I heard my papers being dropped off in my driveway around 3am. I was up....why not just go out and deliver the papers? So, I went about my route....which had me walking past a lot of basement apartments on the Plaza Drive area. I guess I scared someone when I walked by and they called the cops....It was pretty scary. They ran up to me with their flashlights all pointed at me.....and they called my parents to let them know their child was out delivering papers at 4am in the morning....I was not allowed to do that again.
Later, in the summer, my boss from the TR came to the house to tell me that they had chose to give my paper route to another carrier. And that I would be training that person.....I just handed over my paper bag and told them I would not be training anyone.....and they could do it themselves. That was the end of my paper route. My brothers both still ended up with routes for at least three more years.
The harassment of me at school was ongoing. Being dumped into a trash bin or having my locker slammed on me.....regular happenings. There were a few that would corner me one on one too. Follow me after school. And on one morning while we all waited outside in the cold for the school to open....one kid took out a pocket knife and held it to my throat. He demanded that I declare for the whole school that I was a "faggot". I refused. I somehow knew that this kid was not really going to cut me. I was upset, but I had got so used to this kind of treatment....I just wanted it to go away. One of the teacher's aids had witnessed this exchange and it caused me to be called to the Principal's office to give a statement. I also went to go see the school counselor. I told the old man school counselor that I was being called these names.....and what he said to me made me more confused than ever.... He said "I don't know why people would call you these names. I don't see you walking around the halls in a dress and high heeled shoes."
I had no idea what this old man was talking about. Inside, I knew that some of these comments were probably true....no matter how hateful they were to say or hear. But, I knew I did not want to be a woman. And I did not pretend or act like I was a woman. In this day and age, when we hear the stories of children being murdered over homophobia. I guess things have not changed too much in 30 years.
Because of the unwanted attention that I got in school, I tried my best to not get any attention at all. I kept quiet in classes. I did just enough to get by.....and no more. My teachers noticed this and they called in my mother to address the issue. I would score high on tests, but not participate in class or do much homework. My mother immediately insisted that I be tested for a learning disability. I had to go through a whole battery of tests and examinations. And the end result was that I was being "lazy". But, no one ever hit on what was really happening. And to top it all off, my mother seemed upset that I was not going to be placed in the special education classes in school.
At home, things were not much better. My parents had begun to argue on a regular basis. Usually over really mundane things. Both of my parents displayed some really immature behavior in these times. I have to keep in mind that my parents are both only 17 years older than me. So, they were 31 at this time. My mother could be very picky and demanding. My father could be really distant and dismissive. Both could be very self centered at these times. Well, my mother discovered that my dad had an affair. And that was the beginning of the end.
My mother was so upset. And ultimately obsessed with my father. She followed him. And then eventually she hired private investigators to follow him. I really don't know what she wanted to learn. The marriage was over. All of this information she got just made her more upset and hurt. My dad started a new life. He started dating. And my mother made sure to make the biggest production about the things she learned.....she called out many nights to husbands whose wives worked with my father to warn them that my father was now separated from her and he could be a threat to their marriage. And of course, my mother had me there by her side through all of this mess. At a time when I should have been protected from all this drama, my mother chose me to be her closest confidant. At the time I felt important and grown up to be hearing all of the sordid details. Today, I think what she did was nothing less than child abuse.
There was one place that was not horrible this year. I signed up for mixed chorus as one of my elective classes. In this class we would sing traditional and popular songs. We would prepare for two concerts a year. And in this year the instructor, Mrs. Wright, asked if anyone would want to sing a solo. Well, I loved to sing. I always sang in the car....to every song I heard on the radio. And I felt this could be a way for me to do something positive. Something people might appreciate. I went out and found sheet music to a few contemporary songs. I just did not know that the sheet music I bought was not the accompaniment, it was just the notes for the vocal. I ended up having to sing along with the original recording. The song was "Step by Step" by Eddie Rabbitt. It seemed to go over well. And it was really the first time I chose to stand out as an individual in front of a crowd and entertain.
At the start of this year I was still delivering papers for the Times Republican. The job was pretty boring and I had started to get a back issue from carrying over 100 papers a day. The Saturday edition was the only morning delivery and there was no Sunday edition at this point...One Saturday, I heard my papers being dropped off in my driveway around 3am. I was up....why not just go out and deliver the papers? So, I went about my route....which had me walking past a lot of basement apartments on the Plaza Drive area. I guess I scared someone when I walked by and they called the cops....It was pretty scary. They ran up to me with their flashlights all pointed at me.....and they called my parents to let them know their child was out delivering papers at 4am in the morning....I was not allowed to do that again.
Later, in the summer, my boss from the TR came to the house to tell me that they had chose to give my paper route to another carrier. And that I would be training that person.....I just handed over my paper bag and told them I would not be training anyone.....and they could do it themselves. That was the end of my paper route. My brothers both still ended up with routes for at least three more years.
The harassment of me at school was ongoing. Being dumped into a trash bin or having my locker slammed on me.....regular happenings. There were a few that would corner me one on one too. Follow me after school. And on one morning while we all waited outside in the cold for the school to open....one kid took out a pocket knife and held it to my throat. He demanded that I declare for the whole school that I was a "faggot". I refused. I somehow knew that this kid was not really going to cut me. I was upset, but I had got so used to this kind of treatment....I just wanted it to go away. One of the teacher's aids had witnessed this exchange and it caused me to be called to the Principal's office to give a statement. I also went to go see the school counselor. I told the old man school counselor that I was being called these names.....and what he said to me made me more confused than ever.... He said "I don't know why people would call you these names. I don't see you walking around the halls in a dress and high heeled shoes."
I had no idea what this old man was talking about. Inside, I knew that some of these comments were probably true....no matter how hateful they were to say or hear. But, I knew I did not want to be a woman. And I did not pretend or act like I was a woman. In this day and age, when we hear the stories of children being murdered over homophobia. I guess things have not changed too much in 30 years.
Because of the unwanted attention that I got in school, I tried my best to not get any attention at all. I kept quiet in classes. I did just enough to get by.....and no more. My teachers noticed this and they called in my mother to address the issue. I would score high on tests, but not participate in class or do much homework. My mother immediately insisted that I be tested for a learning disability. I had to go through a whole battery of tests and examinations. And the end result was that I was being "lazy". But, no one ever hit on what was really happening. And to top it all off, my mother seemed upset that I was not going to be placed in the special education classes in school.
At home, things were not much better. My parents had begun to argue on a regular basis. Usually over really mundane things. Both of my parents displayed some really immature behavior in these times. I have to keep in mind that my parents are both only 17 years older than me. So, they were 31 at this time. My mother could be very picky and demanding. My father could be really distant and dismissive. Both could be very self centered at these times. Well, my mother discovered that my dad had an affair. And that was the beginning of the end.
My mother was so upset. And ultimately obsessed with my father. She followed him. And then eventually she hired private investigators to follow him. I really don't know what she wanted to learn. The marriage was over. All of this information she got just made her more upset and hurt. My dad started a new life. He started dating. And my mother made sure to make the biggest production about the things she learned.....she called out many nights to husbands whose wives worked with my father to warn them that my father was now separated from her and he could be a threat to their marriage. And of course, my mother had me there by her side through all of this mess. At a time when I should have been protected from all this drama, my mother chose me to be her closest confidant. At the time I felt important and grown up to be hearing all of the sordid details. Today, I think what she did was nothing less than child abuse.
There was one place that was not horrible this year. I signed up for mixed chorus as one of my elective classes. In this class we would sing traditional and popular songs. We would prepare for two concerts a year. And in this year the instructor, Mrs. Wright, asked if anyone would want to sing a solo. Well, I loved to sing. I always sang in the car....to every song I heard on the radio. And I felt this could be a way for me to do something positive. Something people might appreciate. I went out and found sheet music to a few contemporary songs. I just did not know that the sheet music I bought was not the accompaniment, it was just the notes for the vocal. I ended up having to sing along with the original recording. The song was "Step by Step" by Eddie Rabbitt. It seemed to go over well. And it was really the first time I chose to stand out as an individual in front of a crowd and entertain.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Year Thirteen - 1979
In 1979 things started to change. Everything was changing. My body was changing. My home life was changing and by the end of the year, my school would be different. I would be in Junior High!
First, let's end things with Hogland Elementary School. At the end of your time at Hogland, when you are a sixth grader, the school used to sponsor a three day long camping trip. This was a fun three day adventure with my classmates out in the wilderness of Iowa. It was a chance to be away from the parents and walk for many miles each day. It was fun, but it was a lot of work and at the end of three days.....all of us kids were pretty dirty. But we did get to go away.....and carry a backpack....and eat freeze dried foods for three days. It is one of my favorite memories of the end of my time going to Hogland Elementary.
Shortly after the camping trip, we were off on summer vacation. I was delivering papers for the Times Republican and this was not always an easy job. On a regular basis my mother would take the paper to task for various things....and that left me with a little bit of a reputation there I think.....I was not their favorite paper carrier. However, I did have one of the largest routes in Marshalltown (117 papers every weekday and Saturday) and when the TR would run contests for its carriers, I was always high in the probability to win. At the start of this summer I won a ten speed bike. And right at the end of the summer, I won a weekend bus trip to Kansas City to watch a pre-season football game between the Chiefs and the Minnesota Vikings. I really could care less about the game....but I loved the travel. I liked feeling independent and experiencing new places.
As Fall approached, it was time to go back to school. And for me that meant going to Junior High back in my old neighborhood at the Anson school complex. It was about a two mile walk from my new home to Anson Junior High. As opposed to Hogland Elementary, which was basically in my own backyard. At first making this trek was not much of a problem. It was pretty much a straight shot....but as the weather got colder and wetter....it was not as much fun to walk two miles in those conditions. I usually walked alone. There were others from my neighborhood who went the same way....but some got dropped off by their parents...and others just walked in groups with their friends. I started to get used to being alone. And things did not get better once I got to school.
This was the start of some of the worst years of my life. I tried to keep a low profile and not draw attention to myself....but the bullies always seemed to find me. From knocking my books out of my hands when walking in the stairwell to outright spitting on me in the hallways....it was really kind of a nightmare that never seemed to stop when I was at school. And the names they were calling me...."gay" and "fag" and "queer". I knew these were not the things you wanted to be called....and yet, something in me knew there was some truth there.....I WAS different. I just did not know why....or what it meant to be different in that way.
I started to withdraw in class and classwork. And at the same time, my parents had started to argue more.....and it was becoming clear that they were going through something serious.
First, let's end things with Hogland Elementary School. At the end of your time at Hogland, when you are a sixth grader, the school used to sponsor a three day long camping trip. This was a fun three day adventure with my classmates out in the wilderness of Iowa. It was a chance to be away from the parents and walk for many miles each day. It was fun, but it was a lot of work and at the end of three days.....all of us kids were pretty dirty. But we did get to go away.....and carry a backpack....and eat freeze dried foods for three days. It is one of my favorite memories of the end of my time going to Hogland Elementary.
Shortly after the camping trip, we were off on summer vacation. I was delivering papers for the Times Republican and this was not always an easy job. On a regular basis my mother would take the paper to task for various things....and that left me with a little bit of a reputation there I think.....I was not their favorite paper carrier. However, I did have one of the largest routes in Marshalltown (117 papers every weekday and Saturday) and when the TR would run contests for its carriers, I was always high in the probability to win. At the start of this summer I won a ten speed bike. And right at the end of the summer, I won a weekend bus trip to Kansas City to watch a pre-season football game between the Chiefs and the Minnesota Vikings. I really could care less about the game....but I loved the travel. I liked feeling independent and experiencing new places.
As Fall approached, it was time to go back to school. And for me that meant going to Junior High back in my old neighborhood at the Anson school complex. It was about a two mile walk from my new home to Anson Junior High. As opposed to Hogland Elementary, which was basically in my own backyard. At first making this trek was not much of a problem. It was pretty much a straight shot....but as the weather got colder and wetter....it was not as much fun to walk two miles in those conditions. I usually walked alone. There were others from my neighborhood who went the same way....but some got dropped off by their parents...and others just walked in groups with their friends. I started to get used to being alone. And things did not get better once I got to school.
This was the start of some of the worst years of my life. I tried to keep a low profile and not draw attention to myself....but the bullies always seemed to find me. From knocking my books out of my hands when walking in the stairwell to outright spitting on me in the hallways....it was really kind of a nightmare that never seemed to stop when I was at school. And the names they were calling me...."gay" and "fag" and "queer". I knew these were not the things you wanted to be called....and yet, something in me knew there was some truth there.....I WAS different. I just did not know why....or what it meant to be different in that way.
I started to withdraw in class and classwork. And at the same time, my parents had started to argue more.....and it was becoming clear that they were going through something serious.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Year Twelve - 1978
It has been a while since I posted in this blog...I think my efforts to complete my life story in one year are going to be futile. But, I do think this blog needs to continue. I have so many that are reading and following along, even though they do not post comments. I also feel a need to tell my story....but we are approaching some cautious material.....puberty is right around the corner.....and being from a small town.....and being from a specific neighborhood.....there is a chance that people might start to read things about themselves in the narrative of me telling my own story. It is not my intention to disparage anyone....even those who openly disparaged me at the time. But, I do want to tell the story fully....and that will mean including some details that are uncomfortable for me to share....and it might be uncomfortable for others to read. Please feel free to comment.....but I am probably going to change the names of some of these people just to protect their identities.....so understand and please be respectful.
The year now is 1978. My family and I have moved off of Fairmeadows Road and we now live on South 5th Ave. We live just across an open field to a large park and Hogland Elementary School. We actually moved here in the fall of 1977, but this was our first full year here. This neighborhood had a whole lot of kids living around....most houses were families and many of the kids were around my age. I had already started developing crushes on boys at this time. I still admired and was fascinated by some girls, but when I saw a boy that I thought was attractive....well, that is what seemed to stir me up inside chemically. Those were the people that caught my interest and held it.....if I thought of someone romantically, I thought of one of the boys I knew and not a girl.
Now romance for me at that stage in my life was generally fantasizing about kissing and touching. All pretty innocent stuff. I had already experienced some awkward sessions of playing "doctor" in my old neighborhood. And although that was interesting, it was not what I would think of as romantic...just basic curiosity with both boys and girls.
My new neighborhood was dominated by teen boys. Within about three blocks there were probably 20 boys my age. Most of these boys I had met through my tepid sports careers.... And living right next to a huge open field meant that I would often see these boys out throwing a football, or baseball, or golfing, or really anything sports related that boys would do.....Sometimes I would be able to join in and other times these boys were already aware that I was not too great at sports and they did not want to be bothered with my less than proficient efforts.
Around this time my family bought a huge eight man tent. I guess we thought that someday we would take some big camping trip together. That never happened, but we did set up the tent and I was able to have a sleep over and invite four friends over to sleep outside. In a tent. With electricity and lots of snacks.....we were hardly experiencing "camping". But it was fun.....and it allowed for more fun....maybe sometimes not so innocent. Games like "Truth or Dare" seemed to always evolve into making someone....or many people go streaking outside the tent. Goofy growing up stuff....but I had a secret....and this gave me access to those I was most attracted to in a way that boy/girl interaction would never have allowed. Needless to say, I chose those four boys each year based on our friendship and also on who I thought was pretty cool....in every way. I was constantly trying to be part of the popular boys group. And even though I was able to occasionally hang out with popular people.....I was never considered one of them.
Onto other things from 1978. It was not all about my burgeoning puberty.....really. I now lived only about a mile from the Marshalltown Mall.....and the Mall theaters! I was also old enough to go there on my own. And in the summer of 1978 there was a movie released that would change my life....the film was "Grease". Oh, my God! Grease was a phenomenal experience for me. Just about every aspect of the movie seemed to reach out to me....the music was my instant favorite. In the summer of 1987 I went to see "Grease" a total of four times.....and when it came back to theaters in the fall, I went two more times!
I started a paper route this year and by the end of it I had taken on two routes. I delivered the Times Republican and the Pennysaver. This gave me a little bit of spending money and kept me busy in the afternoons when the papers were delivered. In addition to delivering the papers, I was tasked with "collecting". Going door to door and asking for money.....not the most glamorous thing to do.....but all of this walking gave me time to daydream and listen to my cassette player....it was "building character" is what I was told.
In the Winter of 1978, Hogland Elementary held auditions for a holiday school musical called "The Loneliest Christmas Card". I auditioned and got the boy lead part! How exciting it was for me.....This was the first time I would really perform in front of an audience. And I was hooked!
This production takes us through to the end of 1978. And onto age thirteen next.....
The year now is 1978. My family and I have moved off of Fairmeadows Road and we now live on South 5th Ave. We live just across an open field to a large park and Hogland Elementary School. We actually moved here in the fall of 1977, but this was our first full year here. This neighborhood had a whole lot of kids living around....most houses were families and many of the kids were around my age. I had already started developing crushes on boys at this time. I still admired and was fascinated by some girls, but when I saw a boy that I thought was attractive....well, that is what seemed to stir me up inside chemically. Those were the people that caught my interest and held it.....if I thought of someone romantically, I thought of one of the boys I knew and not a girl.
Now romance for me at that stage in my life was generally fantasizing about kissing and touching. All pretty innocent stuff. I had already experienced some awkward sessions of playing "doctor" in my old neighborhood. And although that was interesting, it was not what I would think of as romantic...just basic curiosity with both boys and girls.
My new neighborhood was dominated by teen boys. Within about three blocks there were probably 20 boys my age. Most of these boys I had met through my tepid sports careers.... And living right next to a huge open field meant that I would often see these boys out throwing a football, or baseball, or golfing, or really anything sports related that boys would do.....Sometimes I would be able to join in and other times these boys were already aware that I was not too great at sports and they did not want to be bothered with my less than proficient efforts.
Around this time my family bought a huge eight man tent. I guess we thought that someday we would take some big camping trip together. That never happened, but we did set up the tent and I was able to have a sleep over and invite four friends over to sleep outside. In a tent. With electricity and lots of snacks.....we were hardly experiencing "camping". But it was fun.....and it allowed for more fun....maybe sometimes not so innocent. Games like "Truth or Dare" seemed to always evolve into making someone....or many people go streaking outside the tent. Goofy growing up stuff....but I had a secret....and this gave me access to those I was most attracted to in a way that boy/girl interaction would never have allowed. Needless to say, I chose those four boys each year based on our friendship and also on who I thought was pretty cool....in every way. I was constantly trying to be part of the popular boys group. And even though I was able to occasionally hang out with popular people.....I was never considered one of them.
Onto other things from 1978. It was not all about my burgeoning puberty.....really. I now lived only about a mile from the Marshalltown Mall.....and the Mall theaters! I was also old enough to go there on my own. And in the summer of 1978 there was a movie released that would change my life....the film was "Grease". Oh, my God! Grease was a phenomenal experience for me. Just about every aspect of the movie seemed to reach out to me....the music was my instant favorite. In the summer of 1987 I went to see "Grease" a total of four times.....and when it came back to theaters in the fall, I went two more times!
I started a paper route this year and by the end of it I had taken on two routes. I delivered the Times Republican and the Pennysaver. This gave me a little bit of spending money and kept me busy in the afternoons when the papers were delivered. In addition to delivering the papers, I was tasked with "collecting". Going door to door and asking for money.....not the most glamorous thing to do.....but all of this walking gave me time to daydream and listen to my cassette player....it was "building character" is what I was told.
In the Winter of 1978, Hogland Elementary held auditions for a holiday school musical called "The Loneliest Christmas Card". I auditioned and got the boy lead part! How exciting it was for me.....This was the first time I would really perform in front of an audience. And I was hooked!
This production takes us through to the end of 1978. And onto age thirteen next.....
Monday, May 16, 2011
Year Eleven - 1977
Year Eleven - 1977
1977 also brought us the epic which is "Star Wars". This was the first film I wanted to go back and see repeatedly in the theaters. It seemed to transport me to a completely different reality when I was in there watching it. Every time I seemed to see something new and interesting. Some times I just watched the background action after I had memorized the main focal point of each scene.
This year was when I turned eleven. In true Marshalltown rearing, every male child shall be subjected to "little league" sports....to find where your true talents lie. And my parents (mother) was not immune to this indoctrination. She made sure I was signed up for everything from pee wee football to little league baseball. Let me run down them individually so you can get an idea of my success in each one...
First up, FOOTBALL!
I was first registered for flag football. There were no real try-outs. Everyone that paid, played. I was put on the Raiders team....way back when the real Raiders were first in Oakland, CA. We got jerseys and helmets. We had to get mouth guards, which were a rubbery plastic with a slight mint taste and scent. These were heated up in water and then molded by putting the hot plastic right in your mouth and biting down into the molten substance. We all had to wear a belt with Velcro flags attached. There was no tackling. There was hardly any strategy at all. Basically we were set up on the scrimmage line pointed in the direction of our goal....and told when to start moving. I imaging that it all looked pretty ridiculous. And since I had about zero interest in the sport, I am sure I just moved in the direction of the ball mindlessly. At the end of the game, win or lose, we all got treat tickets to get candy at the snack bar.....that was the main thing for me. And after two seasons of doing this, I was allowed to not register to do it any more. Which was a good thing.....most of the other kids who cared about football were starting to actually play the game and they would not have wanted me out there anymore than I did.....so, not a football player.
Next up, BASEBALL!
Little league has a long tradition in my family. Or that is what I am told. My mother's father had coached little league for many years when they lived in Marshalltown. He had some kind of reputation still when I became of age to start playing. I can remember someone referring to me as "Ed Lindsey's grandson" and that made me feel good. I thought I probably belonged playing this game. I got my glove and started playing catch on a regular basis. Then came the games themselves. The fields for little league were basically the same ones used for pee wee football. Except, baseball is played in the Spring. When everything is growing. And bugs are flying about quite a bit since the fields were near a creek. That means bees. And if you remember, I was deathly afraid of bees. And paranoid about bees. So, of course they play me in the outfield....were most of the bees would be. And when I was not looking over my shoulder for bees....I would occasionally glance into the infield to see what was happening with the game. Or the ball would be hit out in my direction.....and much yelling would ensue to get my attention to retrieve the ball. What I became infamously known for was the one move I made which I thought was genius.....I put my glove over my face to protect it from the bugs.....I could see through the webbing.....and if a ball came I would just move the glove off my face and try to stop it.....of course I had no clue how this would look to those watching the game. Well, it was seen as hilarious and ridiculous.....and I guess my parents were mortified. After two seasons of baseball, I was allowed to stop playing that game.....if only to save my parents from further embarrassment.
And finally, BASKETBALL!
In the winter, past football season....and before baseball season. That is basketball season. Our little league basketball was sponsored by the YMCA. And it had a pretty extensive try-out process. Basically, each player was asked to dribble the ball down the court. At one end they would do a layup and then rebound the ball and dribble to the other end of the court and take a jump shot from around the six foot zone. This was meant to show off your basic skills and then the adult coaches would take notes on who they liked and each player was selected by preference. Well, I had dribbled a ball and taken a few shots in my time.....but I was in no way a practiced player. But, I took to the court to do my thing.....dribble....all good....layup? Went ok.....even though I missed, I had good form......dribble back.....all good....now for the jump shot......I was a little nervous.....I stopped about fifteen feet from the hoop.....I closed my eyes and tossed the ball up.......SWISH!!! I nailed it......nothing but net!!! There was an audible gasp from the spectators.....it felt kind of amazing. I became a first round draft pick that year.....I got placed on the winning team of the season......and I never made another basket in a game. Ever! I was the booby prize......and I was allowed to quit basketball three seasons later.
Marshalltown, like most midwestern small towns, liked to center it's local attentions on children's sports. I know that each of my attempts to participate became another badge of failure for my parents, but I never did miss playing any of these sports. And really, I never caught on to the strategies of any of them until long after I had played. Later on I would attempt golf, tennis and track & field......all to similar success.
My focus was not going to be competitive sports......that much was known. But, I did know after this year that I wanted to spend as much time as I could in a movie theater. And I have been an avid fan ever since. I watch and critique movies the way some people follow sports.... And it all started in 1977.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Year Ten - 1976
I am quickly falling behind in my goal to write one of these once a week. I am going to keep going though and hopefully I will find time to catch up and finish by the time December rolls around...
So, year ten! It was 1976, the bicentennial. Oh, how the country was in a big swell of patriotism and glory. I guess we were just coming off of that whole Nixon thing too. People had a lot of reasons to wave a flag and put up some red, white and blue! Kids seemed to be the easiest targets to get involved in the whole thing. I feel like I remember the whole school year leading up to the Forth of July was one long USA nostalgia campaign. Well, it was an event that was pretty innocuous and it made everyone happy. So there really did not seem to be any harm in the whole thing.
I was entering third grade at this point. Still at Anson Elementary School. My younger brothers were getting older and bigger. There was talk of possibly moving at some point. My mother had taken a job at JC Penney in their old location on Main Street in Marshalltown. She was an inventory clerk. I think that meant that she processed all of the new merchandise that came into the store and put price tags on it. It was a part-time job and she still was mostly in the home when us kids were there. Dad was not often left to take care of the kids on his own. Not that he couldn't....but he worked the main bread winning job....and he always seemed tired and reserved when he was at home.
I started my big television watching around this time. I got some gift money of around $50.00 and chose to get a 4" screen black and white camping version television for my bedroom. The thing looked like a cross between a short wave radio and a car battery. But, it had a little screen and could pick up all of the television stations with it's telescopic antenna. I loved it. I really really loved it!
Finally! I had a television in my own bedroom. I put it on a table right next to my bed and I would watch TV until I fell asleep. Usually, that meant that around midnight my dad would open my door and yell at me to "turn that damn thing off!". I could never figure out exactly why that bothered him so much. I imagined that the cost of the electricity must have been so expensive that he felt I was just wasting it running the TV in the dark while I slept. I never had the volume up so loud that it could be heard in any other room. I did not even really stay up much past ten o'clock. Today I think it was probably just an annoyance for him that I constantly defied his directions. But, anyway....I would watch everything I could. I quickly became a huge fan of almost every show. I started watching things like Saturday Night Live, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Charlie's Angels, Bionic Woman, Sonny & Cher, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley......etc.
Things have not changed much. Today I still watch a whole lot of television. When I lived with my grandparents after high school, I found out that my grandfather also watched a whole lot of television. Usually by himself....and usually he would fall asleep watching television. That fact made me feel a whole lot closer to my grandfather....and seemed to explain a lot about why I did those things too....
And today, I still currently fall asleep with the television on in my room. Except now it is a 37" flat screen that is playing.....and I use a sleep timer to turn it off after an hour.
So, year ten! It was 1976, the bicentennial. Oh, how the country was in a big swell of patriotism and glory. I guess we were just coming off of that whole Nixon thing too. People had a lot of reasons to wave a flag and put up some red, white and blue! Kids seemed to be the easiest targets to get involved in the whole thing. I feel like I remember the whole school year leading up to the Forth of July was one long USA nostalgia campaign. Well, it was an event that was pretty innocuous and it made everyone happy. So there really did not seem to be any harm in the whole thing.
I was entering third grade at this point. Still at Anson Elementary School. My younger brothers were getting older and bigger. There was talk of possibly moving at some point. My mother had taken a job at JC Penney in their old location on Main Street in Marshalltown. She was an inventory clerk. I think that meant that she processed all of the new merchandise that came into the store and put price tags on it. It was a part-time job and she still was mostly in the home when us kids were there. Dad was not often left to take care of the kids on his own. Not that he couldn't....but he worked the main bread winning job....and he always seemed tired and reserved when he was at home.
I started my big television watching around this time. I got some gift money of around $50.00 and chose to get a 4" screen black and white camping version television for my bedroom. The thing looked like a cross between a short wave radio and a car battery. But, it had a little screen and could pick up all of the television stations with it's telescopic antenna. I loved it. I really really loved it!
Finally! I had a television in my own bedroom. I put it on a table right next to my bed and I would watch TV until I fell asleep. Usually, that meant that around midnight my dad would open my door and yell at me to "turn that damn thing off!". I could never figure out exactly why that bothered him so much. I imagined that the cost of the electricity must have been so expensive that he felt I was just wasting it running the TV in the dark while I slept. I never had the volume up so loud that it could be heard in any other room. I did not even really stay up much past ten o'clock. Today I think it was probably just an annoyance for him that I constantly defied his directions. But, anyway....I would watch everything I could. I quickly became a huge fan of almost every show. I started watching things like Saturday Night Live, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Charlie's Angels, Bionic Woman, Sonny & Cher, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley......etc.
Things have not changed much. Today I still watch a whole lot of television. When I lived with my grandparents after high school, I found out that my grandfather also watched a whole lot of television. Usually by himself....and usually he would fall asleep watching television. That fact made me feel a whole lot closer to my grandfather....and seemed to explain a lot about why I did those things too....
And today, I still currently fall asleep with the television on in my room. Except now it is a 37" flat screen that is playing.....and I use a sleep timer to turn it off after an hour.
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